This Drifting Excrement Was Far Too Meaningful! These Are the Television Disappointments of the Year.

Looking back, we reflect on the television offerings of the recent year, a selection of shows stand out not for their excellence, but for their spectacular shortcomings. Ranging from cringe-inducing spin-offs to confusingly bad docuseries, here are the productions that had us scratching our heads or just reaching for the remote.

And Just Like That

Where to begin with this divisive spin-off? Burdened with dreadful scripts, painful character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the show struggled to find its footing. Briefly, as the final series started, it looked like it had at last found its groove. Then arrived an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the creator announced this would be the final series. It ended on a low point; the lingering shot of Miranda’s toilet flooded with poo was just way too symbolic. Still, viewers certainly found joy dissecting every single “wtf?” episode. And as Carrie – once again single – danced around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a small sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? Of course she can’t.’

But that was practically the smallest of this drama's issues. The subject of a very rare no-star review, it was hard to know where to begin listing the flaws. The laughably leaden dialogue? The tedious glorification of affluence and materialism? The almost deliberate parade of tropes? Performances so bad they felt almost spiteful? Let’s just say “all of the above” and never speak of this series again. However, a second season has been commissioned, so we’re likely going to have to.

The Charlie Sheen Documentary

Considering the restraining orders, abuse claims and fatherly shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d really have gleaned it from this multi-part docuseries which chuckled along at Sheen’s various episodes of self-destructive excess while failing to tell us anything we didn’t already know. Instead, it felt as if this volatile personality was being indulged, so any pity this series might evoke should be saved for the people who have had to suffer proximity with this charismatic but dismissive egotist.

The Supercomputer Drama

Of course we knew it was ridiculous from the outset: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or annihilate all of humanity. We stuck with it out of sheer love for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One scarcely cared when his character died, and the other ended up slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.

MobLand

Shady characters meeting in deserted boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its crime drama back.

In truth, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many seem a little old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t suffer the ignominy of having to indulge unconvincing accents. But there were plenty of other problems. Mainly that it was just profoundly dull; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various cockney rogues which felt rather simplistic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Given the degree to which she provokes the ire of certain performatively enraged commentators, it’s temptingly easy to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s televised forays into quaint lifestyle as deliberate provocations. But then you view them and are compelled to concede that in this case, they might have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle magazine come to life; a meme for wine o’clock with ideas of grandeur; a procession of snoozing dogs, buzzing beehives, sentimental sayings and pointless crafting “tips” you’ll not remember instantly. All underpinned by vast, mostly undeserved wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are clearly fascinating things to be said about both Victoria Beckham and her journey with career, identity, self-acceptance. But for whatever reason, this documentary series opted not to explore them. Rather, the viewing was akin to reading a marketing brochure. She obviously has every right to resent what she describes as her “stern” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any favours with this guarded non-event of a series.

The Inheritance

It should have been the next cultural phenomenon – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality overseeing her estate. What more could you want? As players competed, there was plenty of backstabbing and squabbling. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s still too complicated to explain what exactly was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw glimpses of the star via prerecorded videos. The series ended up reeking of a programme that was straining desperately to live up to something far greater than it.

The Lena Dunham Romcom

How does one succeed a show that captured a generation? The pressure was immense for this starry romantic comedy about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a broken heart. The lead actress seized the opportunity by the horns and was a delight to watch, embodying Jane Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, ironically, was not enough. Plus, the abundance of celebrity friends involved felt icky.

The Sketch Show Return

Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the shrewd inclusion of talented emerging comics, hopes were high. But unhappily, most of it didn’t land. A particular sketch was a one-note joke stretched to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a familiar ranting mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the idea that they should probably have stayed in there a bit longer.

The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively showcased the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an interesting drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The material needed to be treated with care. Rather, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lurching from oddly jaunty, somewhat stylised farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Twisted? Perhaps. A total mess? Absolutely.

Prime Target

We admire the lead actor … but did we buy him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so smart he’s on the brink of a discovery that could ruin society? No! This globe-trotting thriller about government agencies spying on – and killing off – academics honestly got more farcical by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This hagiography followed the online personality renowned for sexual escapades as she prepared for her most extreme feat yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we wanted was far greater examination of her actual psychology, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have interviewed the legendary mum who appeared to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific shots and absolutely no critical analysis of her notoriety whatsoever. And to think, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.